Where do I go from here?

How do I begin to move through the process?  What exactly is the process?  How do I convince myself that it is not giving up but rather choosing to live in the moment?

For people who know me I think they would say I am a pretty motivated person and tend to believe things will work out.  I have also said things happen for a reason but I am hard pressed to figure out the reason.  One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot lately is how to move through the process.  Do I start in the hardest place by getting rid of everything I have saved for another baby, the clothes, the high chair, bouncy chair, and the toys? Can I manage to start in the darkest and heaviest space and feel brighter and  lighter once its all gone.  Will getting rid of the reminders really change what is in my head? 

How do I find the me that has been changed so much through this adventure?  Will I recognize myself again? 

So much to process, what do I do now?