It is time...

January 2011 was the year to clean some things out, get lighter, feel lighter and not look back.  I decided that it was time to stop holding onto something that may never be, I wanted to cut the anchor, release the hold stuff had on me.  2011 was my year to turn it all around, I was going to start the task of sharing my good fortunes and give away Raigan's old baby clothes, car seats, toys, and anything that anyone could possibly need for a baby that I had been holding onto.
Now I must say that its not that I had given up having another baby completely and I think even if I never have another baby there will always be that empty space for the baby that never was.  It took me two years to get here and it is a tough spot to be but I was ready. 
My husband gave me space to work through it and as I started with the first bin and then the second, made it to the bottom of the third and forth and continued to the fifth then the sixth, and somehow moved quickly through the seventh and eighth bin when I finally came to the final two bins that had been holding me back from truly moving through the healing process.  This was by no means a tear free process, the memories of Raigan as a baby were vivid and the reality that no baby of mine would ever wear this wardrobe again was fresh. It took me two weeks to get through the sorting but finally I had my 8 huge piles of clothes, 2 piles of shoes a large bag of toys, two toddler car seats, a travel system, boppy, and many more accessories.  After all the purging I was left with lots of storage,10 empty bins and surprisingly I felt okay.